Marriage

What marriage means to me:

Growing up, I saw a lot of troubled marriages, and the resulting divorce. I saw how hard it was for all parties involved to go through a divorce. I always thought to myself, "that will never be me." So I didn't get married until I knew that he was the one. He isn't perfect, he has his faults, but so do I and every other normal person in the world. There aren't many, and I try my best not to be picky. We never yell when we fight. We always make up. Sometimes it is hard work, but mostly it is a great life. I think we balance each other out, and match each other with faults so much that we don't mention them to one another. We don't lead an exciting life, but often dream of one. Someday this, and someday that. We keep it real, and honest. I wasn't great at trusting due to past relationships and getting hurt time after time, but slowly but surely my walls came down, and he had 100% of my trust and love. There were some scares where he almost lost my trust, but once I forgive, I forget, and we move forward. We are at a rough part in our marriage, and I am having a hard time letting go. I know I need to, and I know that in the end, we will still be together, so the sooner I forgive and forget, the less I will torture myself. So here I write, to remind myself that he is the one. He chose me, and I chose him. Our love is true and strong, and we will get through this, together.

We got married on November 10, 2001. It was a very eventful year. There was the 9/11 tragedy. It was the year that we lost our precious little angel to a miscarriage. It was the last year that I worked in Excursion Inlet because that is where it happened. It is the year I started my job at the state of Alaska. So, there it is. Us in a nutshell. Still in Alaska after all these years even though there are all the some days and dreams of warmer weather.

Changes, new outlook

One of the major things that I have done recently is to go back to my old job. I was working in a place that I was not happy at. I was not miserable there by any means, but I was not happy. TH was my old job, at TH there was more leniency than SOA(my current new/old job) as far as vacation and family time goes. But there was too much drama, and inconsistencies at TH.

It was so weird coming back to SOA. It kind of felt like an out of body experience. Like I was dreaming. I kept thinking, what am I doing here, and why did I chose to do this. But then I started to work, and it was like riding a bicycle, I didn't forget how to do that job. I think the strangest part was that I was not unhappy at TH, I just was not happy. I had a dream on the Sunday before I was supposed to go back to SOA. It went like this:

"It is early morning, I am driving down the road, and when I am supposed to go straight, I turned left. Next nano second I was at TH. There is another girl in my chair, I think, OK this is weird, but I will keep working. I continue working and around 9:00am I realize that I was in the wrong place. Panic sets in. What an idiot they are going to think I am! I rush towards the door thinking why didn't they tell me that I no longer worked there?"

That is all of it that I remember, it was kind of like the dreams I have once in a while about being back in highschool and not remembering where my locker is, or what the combo is, or where my next class is and panicking. But what does this dream mean? Am I wrong to go back to my old job? Deep down inside, did I really want to stay where I was? I don't know. I am fine, and OK at my new/old job. I don't feel like I did the wrong thing. So here I am, plugging away. =)