I am woman! but am I broken? =(

It is like a never ending battle. I am on another cycle. Will it never end? What is wrong with me? Why am I being punished? Why is my body betraying me? I feel like a broken woman. So if you haven't guessed it yet, I am not pregnant this cycle. The clomid yet again did not work. If you don't know what clomid is, it makes me release more eggs than usual. D & J plus eight?! =) I am on the last prescription of clomid this month, it is the third month. I hope it works this time. I don't want eight at once, but I really hope for 2. I have always wanted twins, and at this point when I am getting older, and my kids will be with me for at least 18 years, I really want 2 to start. I know if they are twins from the clomid they won't be identical, but twins none the less. It would just be awesome if my babies were not only childs for any amount of time.

Yes, it would be a major challenge, J and I are used to our life of couple hood. We would both have tons of patience though, and we are so ready for it. I am also sick of checking my temperature every morning, nothing like starting the day thinking, I am broken....I think this month will be the last month for that also or I need to get a new thermomoter, this one beeps.

So, cross your fingers and your toes. We really want it to work this cycle. I am trying hard to keep my thoughts happy and to be stress free. I am going to start going to the gym at least twice a week to start. J has a brother coming to visit for a couple of months so that will relieve some of his stress and maybe my house will get finished! Less stress all the way around. Next semester I am taking only online courses. Less stress. I am back at my old job that I know like the back of my hand. Some stress, but less than before. I am going to start to do more fun things starting today. I will make my life happier. It will happen, I will have a baby. I know it will happen. I won't dwell on it, but I know it will happen. =) Go me! Well...of course and J. lol

Changes, new outlook

One of the major things that I have done recently is to go back to my old job. I was working in a place that I was not happy at. I was not miserable there by any means, but I was not happy. TH was my old job, at TH there was more leniency than SOA(my current new/old job) as far as vacation and family time goes. But there was too much drama, and inconsistencies at TH.

It was so weird coming back to SOA. It kind of felt like an out of body experience. Like I was dreaming. I kept thinking, what am I doing here, and why did I chose to do this. But then I started to work, and it was like riding a bicycle, I didn't forget how to do that job. I think the strangest part was that I was not unhappy at TH, I just was not happy. I had a dream on the Sunday before I was supposed to go back to SOA. It went like this:

"It is early morning, I am driving down the road, and when I am supposed to go straight, I turned left. Next nano second I was at TH. There is another girl in my chair, I think, OK this is weird, but I will keep working. I continue working and around 9:00am I realize that I was in the wrong place. Panic sets in. What an idiot they are going to think I am! I rush towards the door thinking why didn't they tell me that I no longer worked there?"

That is all of it that I remember, it was kind of like the dreams I have once in a while about being back in highschool and not remembering where my locker is, or what the combo is, or where my next class is and panicking. But what does this dream mean? Am I wrong to go back to my old job? Deep down inside, did I really want to stay where I was? I don't know. I am fine, and OK at my new/old job. I don't feel like I did the wrong thing. So here I am, plugging away. =)