Weekend bliss

I spent the weekend playing with lincoln logs, giving baths and playing games. She played dress up, and we played school. I watched the movie "Barbie as Rapunzel" and then read the same as a bedtime story. When I was done reading, K and I discussed the differences between the movie and the book. We went to the playground and I read my book while she climbed all over the place. It was such a sweet weekend. I so look forward to many more days like this. She is a very sweet girl, and we are so blessed to have her in our lives. I do have to wonder though, how long with the honeymoon phase last? =)

Update...

It has been a while since I posted on this. We had a pretty great summer. I did not take any classes this summer. I started a new schedule at work, where I am off every other Friday so that is pretty great. We made it to my home town twice this summer. We also went to Cali to visit J's family. Pretty great summer.

I have a new little friend. She is 5 years old. We are going to try to foster adopt her. I can't wait, and I SO hope it happens. She is such a beautiful little girl and she's very smart. It is something that Jose and I thought long and hard about. Taking a child that is older was not a challenge we thought we would be ready for. So we started spending more time with her and getting to know her. She spends the weekends with us, and it feels pretty natural. That was what helped us to decide. Now we are just waiting for the state to give the final word.

The yearning for our own child has mellowed a lot in me since we decided to take K. She makes me feel like a mom, she tells me that she loves me, and always wants to be near me. She is very independent, and very funny. She is always on my mind. I look forward to teaching her new things. I look forward to seeing the wonder in her eyes when she sees new things. I look forward to her calling me mom. I look forward to the beautiful relationship that her and J will create. It will be challenging, but the rewards will outweigh the challenges. So begins a new chapter in our lives...

My song is on the radio right now....the one about "oh where oh where can my baby be? The Lord took her away from me. She's gone to heaven so I've got to be good.....So I could see my baby when I leave this world."

Marriage

What marriage means to me:

Growing up, I saw a lot of troubled marriages, and the resulting divorce. I saw how hard it was for all parties involved to go through a divorce. I always thought to myself, "that will never be me." So I didn't get married until I knew that he was the one. He isn't perfect, he has his faults, but so do I and every other normal person in the world. There aren't many, and I try my best not to be picky. We never yell when we fight. We always make up. Sometimes it is hard work, but mostly it is a great life. I think we balance each other out, and match each other with faults so much that we don't mention them to one another. We don't lead an exciting life, but often dream of one. Someday this, and someday that. We keep it real, and honest. I wasn't great at trusting due to past relationships and getting hurt time after time, but slowly but surely my walls came down, and he had 100% of my trust and love. There were some scares where he almost lost my trust, but once I forgive, I forget, and we move forward. We are at a rough part in our marriage, and I am having a hard time letting go. I know I need to, and I know that in the end, we will still be together, so the sooner I forgive and forget, the less I will torture myself. So here I write, to remind myself that he is the one. He chose me, and I chose him. Our love is true and strong, and we will get through this, together.

We got married on November 10, 2001. It was a very eventful year. There was the 9/11 tragedy. It was the year that we lost our precious little angel to a miscarriage. It was the last year that I worked in Excursion Inlet because that is where it happened. It is the year I started my job at the state of Alaska. So, there it is. Us in a nutshell. Still in Alaska after all these years even though there are all the some days and dreams of warmer weather.

Its a start...life...love..and happiness.

So I thought I would give this a try. I am so frustrated with not getting pregnant, and I feel like a broken record talking to my family or my husband. I think maybe, just maybe if I write it down and see it in print, then maybe it will lessen the want, or the constant emptiness I feel. Anyhow, yes~I am struggling to become a mommy.

History, hmmm...let's see. I met my husband in Excursion Inlet (man I miss the good old days there). We were both interested when we first made eye contact. Though he tells me that he noticed me before I noticed him, which I know is true since there were about 30 Mexicans working in the freezer, and it is kind of hard to notice a guy in the middle of all that, all the while he is wearing raingear from head to toe, along with a baseball cap =). Well, he started throwing fish hearts at me~how romantic huh?~ and I would turn to see who did it, and ALL the guys were smirking. My good guy friend was working across from me, and told me who was doing it. That is when the eye flirting started. I miss those fun first looks, although even after 10 years, we still have that spark of a flirtatious look sometimes. Ah love! So, where was I? Oh, so he started talking to me all the time, and we started spending every spare moment together. I was living in Seattle at the time(awww the good old days again...), and decided to move up to Alaska by him. We had our MAJOR ups and downs just like anyone else, but now we are calm and happy and in love, even after all these years.

OK, back on track, we have been trying to have a baby almost since we first met. We kept going to Excursion Inlet, and it was there that I had my miscarriage. I don't know why, and neither did the doctors. They just told me that something was wrong with the baby, and so that is why it happened. To this day, it still makes my heart quiver thinking about our little Angel. That was in 2001. Needless to say, I could never go back to Excursion. Jose did though, for two seasons. I haven't had any pregnancies that I know of since then. But I have high hopes, and a positive attitude. It WILL happen, and soon. (more on that later).

So here we are, busy remodeling our home and taking classes at UAS. Trying to have a baby, and keeping the stress levels low. Living life, moving on and all the while staying in love♥