mid-term burn out

Well, here I am. I survived mid-terms. I can't believe there are some students out there that work full time, have young ones at home, AND are taking classes full time! It really amazes me, and they are my idols. Thinking about them just keeps me going. I am working full time, but only taking two classes! That is stressful enough to me. I still have "me" time and "take care of hubby" time (keep house clean and cook). This semester I am taking my first "online" course. Since it is online it keeps me very busy. Consumes a lot of my free time. I am not really loving the teacher either. Next semester I am going to be taking two online courses. Even though I am inspired by those who take on full time jobs and full time courses as well as kids, I am going to have to pass on the insanity. I am thinking that keeping my stress levels mediocre is my best bet for getting pregnant. We'll see how much that helps. I have a busy week with school work. I have 2 projects due and I have to read a chapter and do a quiz. 1 main discussion forum and 2 replies. I have one extra credit project and some Spanish reading and homework. Crazy week, I better get to it! =)

Reminiscing

Sometimes I really miss the good old days. For some reason lately I have been thinking a lot about when I was in high school, or even right after high school. When I was with my old boyfriend. When I could go where I wanted when i wanted. There are a lot of people that I really miss, especially the ones that I know I will not see again. Then there are all the "what if"'s. I love the "I remember when"'s. But sometimes they bring me down. One of my favorite quotes: "When one door of happiness closes, another opens, but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us." ~Helen Keller

I guess I need to stop looking at the door that closed, and concentrate on the doors that are opening for me. Wow, it has been a long time of looking back at that closing door. I have been looking to the opening doors for a long time, but once in a while steal quick glances at the closed door. One could always hope. Does this mean I am getting old? My goal, enjoy life to the fullest. Get all I can out of every great situation. Choose my attitude. Plain and simple, have fun. Do what I like to do when I should be doing what I have to do, and don't feel guilty about it. This must have to do with the fact that I am boggled down with school work right now. And there is still no end in site. *sigh*

I have been tagged!

I have been tagged, but have no one else to tag! lol

1. Link to the person who tagged you: http://32flavorsandthensome2.blogspot.com/
2. Post the rules on your blog.
3. Write six random things about yourself.
4. Let each person know they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their website.


OK, here we go. 6 random things about me.



1. Only fresh in my mind because for the 2nd time this season, I had to do it last night. I sleep with warm fuzzy socks on at night. If my feet are cold, I can't sleep. My whole body feels cold. Once I have my warm fuzzy socks on, my whole body warms up, and I sleep like a baby. =) My feet want to cramp when they are cold, and for some reason they are always cold when I first get into bed. Maybe it is those hardwood floors.



2. I keep journals. Not daily, but randomly. I have journals that date back to when I was 11! When I write in them, I try to update from the last time I wrote (sometimes I go for a year or 2 without writing) Sometimes I go back and read- usually when I am alone. Quality me time. =) I don't know if that really is a good thing though because sometimes I wish for the good ole' days. And then I read something horrible that happened, and am glad that I am in the present day.

3. I spent an entire winter (5 months) in Mexico. I wish I could say that it was the best experience in my life, but it really wasn't. I went down there to meet J's family. 5 months was way to long for my first experience. We stayed with his parents. The entire time we were down there, I was on my own. He was either hunting or working on our house. Wow this one is depressing. On to the next! =)

4. I like to draw cartoons. =) Artistry runs in my family. Mostly native art. I haven't taken any classes, though I would love love love to. I have never drawn native art. I like to stick to the fun stuff. When I was extremely bored (everyday) in Mexico, I was drawing every cartoon I could find. Ran out of things and started drawing Chester Cheetah! You know, the ones on Cheetos chips. They actually turned out to be one of my favorites! =) Here are two of them: (will figure out how to move them side by side later)

5. I have been skydiving! My good friend and I went down to Shelton WA and went skydiving. I have pics, but they are not digital. I will try to scan one in later. It was the most amazing thing in my whole life. I would like to say that I would do it again, but at my age, I don't think that I would. This was 10 almost 11 years ago. Now I think too much about all the possible dangers of everything. When I was free falling down to earth it was like floating in the air. I didn't even feel like I was falling. I felt like I was looking at a huge painting, or panaramic photo. Then he pulled the chute, and whammo! Whiplash. I was ready for it- but not, if that makes sense. I was in pain for about a week. But it was SO worth it. =) Aw heck, I would do it again if given the chance! =) Maybe that is why I went on the stratosphere in Vegas 2 years ago. Fun!

6. I like challenges. I like to be busy all the time. If I am idle I go nuts. Sometimes if I can't think of what to do, I will be like a pathetic puppy, staring out my living room window. My husband promptly pulls me up off the couch, and takes me for a drive, or a hike, or to the shooting range. Lately I have been so busy that I haven't had time to sleep, but I thrive on it. Sometimes I think what in the heck am I doing. But truthfully, this is how I want to live. I don't know what I would do if I didn't have something to do every minute of every day. I guess that i why I read books, because when I am sitting idle, then I have something to keep my mind busy. I don't even know how I find time to do these blogs! =) I like it though, one other thing to keep me busy.

Ok, if any of my friends that follow my blog and have created thier own, you are tagged! =)

Blueberry Jelly! Yum!

I went to Hoonah a couple of weekends ago. For those of you who don't know, that is where I grew up. Anyway, while I was there I bought some blueberries (I could have said picked-but honestly-was too lazy to pick). Some ladies over there pick them and sell them. I bought them the night before I came back home. Well, let me tell you, 3 gallon size bags of berries IS a lot! I worked on them for 2 straight days. I had to clean them and soak them. I jarred some of them up, so I could make blueberry waffles or pancakes sometime this winter. I made freezer jam (about as good as it sounds) but really, not so bad. My dad gave me some fresh blueberry juice that he got from boiling his "squished" berries. With that I made blueberry jelly. Which amazingly (not really since I follow recipes to a t!) set to the perfect consistancy. It is really good jam and I don't think it will last very long since I only had enough juice for one batch and 8 jars is not very much when it is something that you really like. Well this has made me want to make more jam. I am contemplating buying a flat of strawberries at Costco and boiling the juice out of them, and making strawberry jelly. Of course this makes me want to make fresh fry bread and loaves of fresh bread. Yum. I think I will make some this weekend. =)

Volleyball last fall

So I have been feeling bad lately about not joining a city league volley ball team this year. I had all the best reasons (excuses) for not doing it. I am taking classes, and I need to concentrate on my studies. I don't have time. I am changing my job, so that is stressful enough. I am trying to have a baby, so I don't want to chance injury. I didn't really use that one, but it was in the back of my mind. Well, now I feel bad. I want to play now. Last year we had so much fun. Here is a photo of our team last year:



Yes, we were the division 3 champions. It was so much fun. Our entire team was from Hoonah, so that made it even more fun. I think we a bit too competitive for a division 3 but that is how our team leader wanted it. If I ever play again, it will be for fun. I want to win, but I don't want it to ruin the fun either. I am pretty sure I made it to every game during the season. At first it about killed me. My arms and legs were so sore! But after a couple of games it got to be pretty fun, and not work. We did a rotation of two people, I was one that was rotated out. I didn't mind too much. Sometimes my mind was so full of information from classes that I couldn't get into the games. That is one of the main reasons that I didn't join, but now I am sad that I didn't. It would have been a great stress reliever. =(

What was I thinking?!

Last spring, in 07, I was working at SOA, and a co-worker was telling me about open enrollment at UAS. I thought, hey cool, I should get out there and sign up for Spanish. Yes, my husband is from Mexico, and no, he is not teaching me Spanish. Why you ask? Well, I couldn't tell you. I could tell you what I think it is, I think it is because he learned English by hearing it and talking on his own. He doesn't know the grammar or the proper translation for a lot of words. Even to this day, I am teaching him the right translation for things. He knows the translation in general, but the exact words he doesn't know. I can understand that~ a lot of what I learned at first was from listening to him and his friends and family speaking in Spanish. I knew what they meant in general (and sometimes I thought they meant something completely different!) but I didn't know the exact translation. Speaking of great English, I am currently listening to Gov. Sarah Palin's debate with Biden. Can she use "also" and "though" more?! Yes, she is my Governor, and no~ I won't be voting for her and McCain.

OK, so I was out at UAS trying to sign up for a class in Spanish, and walked away signed up and enrolled in an AAS Business degree program. Now how I ask you, did that happen? Wow, my head was spinning when I left, and still to this day I don't know how it all happened. But it did. I started with a summer course, I thought: one class, I can handle that. I took Math 055 (yes, I am very bad at math~good thing I work in Payroll huh!?!) OK-Math 055. Wow, it had been 14 years since I was in high school, and whammo! I was right in the middle of all the things I remembered hating (strong term, I know) with all that I am. I was always in the higher levels of English, but only in the regular classes in Math all through school. So here I was, in math class all summer long. UGH! Last time I ever took a summer course. Here is what my life was like last summer: work school homework sleep work school homework sleep work eat homework school work sleep...I mean school homeworksleepworkclasshomeworksleepsleepsleep it was the longest summer of my life that went by very quickly. Did I mention that my frontal lobe (forehead) got tingly sometimes? Some of those problems about killed me! Here is a picture of what my little table looked all summer long:

In the fall of 07 I took Accounting 201, and Spanish 101. Then in the spring semester of 08 I took Accounting 202 and Spanish 102. I then took the summer off, so that I could live a life and keep my sanity. I am currently (fall semester) taking Spanish 201{just a thought-I don't remember why I liked English in high school- this grammar stuff is hard!} in class course and Business 151. I wanted to take a small business course, but would have had to take it in class, thought about how my summer went and sanity won out. Online course=own schedule=sanity. Now that I put it all down on paper (screen) I don't feel like it is so overwhelming. I think I can I think I can I think I can........

Changes, new outlook

One of the major things that I have done recently is to go back to my old job. I was working in a place that I was not happy at. I was not miserable there by any means, but I was not happy. TH was my old job, at TH there was more leniency than SOA(my current new/old job) as far as vacation and family time goes. But there was too much drama, and inconsistencies at TH.

It was so weird coming back to SOA. It kind of felt like an out of body experience. Like I was dreaming. I kept thinking, what am I doing here, and why did I chose to do this. But then I started to work, and it was like riding a bicycle, I didn't forget how to do that job. I think the strangest part was that I was not unhappy at TH, I just was not happy. I had a dream on the Sunday before I was supposed to go back to SOA. It went like this:

"It is early morning, I am driving down the road, and when I am supposed to go straight, I turned left. Next nano second I was at TH. There is another girl in my chair, I think, OK this is weird, but I will keep working. I continue working and around 9:00am I realize that I was in the wrong place. Panic sets in. What an idiot they are going to think I am! I rush towards the door thinking why didn't they tell me that I no longer worked there?"

That is all of it that I remember, it was kind of like the dreams I have once in a while about being back in highschool and not remembering where my locker is, or what the combo is, or where my next class is and panicking. But what does this dream mean? Am I wrong to go back to my old job? Deep down inside, did I really want to stay where I was? I don't know. I am fine, and OK at my new/old job. I don't feel like I did the wrong thing. So here I am, plugging away. =)

Its a start...life...love..and happiness.

So I thought I would give this a try. I am so frustrated with not getting pregnant, and I feel like a broken record talking to my family or my husband. I think maybe, just maybe if I write it down and see it in print, then maybe it will lessen the want, or the constant emptiness I feel. Anyhow, yes~I am struggling to become a mommy.

History, hmmm...let's see. I met my husband in Excursion Inlet (man I miss the good old days there). We were both interested when we first made eye contact. Though he tells me that he noticed me before I noticed him, which I know is true since there were about 30 Mexicans working in the freezer, and it is kind of hard to notice a guy in the middle of all that, all the while he is wearing raingear from head to toe, along with a baseball cap =). Well, he started throwing fish hearts at me~how romantic huh?~ and I would turn to see who did it, and ALL the guys were smirking. My good guy friend was working across from me, and told me who was doing it. That is when the eye flirting started. I miss those fun first looks, although even after 10 years, we still have that spark of a flirtatious look sometimes. Ah love! So, where was I? Oh, so he started talking to me all the time, and we started spending every spare moment together. I was living in Seattle at the time(awww the good old days again...), and decided to move up to Alaska by him. We had our MAJOR ups and downs just like anyone else, but now we are calm and happy and in love, even after all these years.

OK, back on track, we have been trying to have a baby almost since we first met. We kept going to Excursion Inlet, and it was there that I had my miscarriage. I don't know why, and neither did the doctors. They just told me that something was wrong with the baby, and so that is why it happened. To this day, it still makes my heart quiver thinking about our little Angel. That was in 2001. Needless to say, I could never go back to Excursion. Jose did though, for two seasons. I haven't had any pregnancies that I know of since then. But I have high hopes, and a positive attitude. It WILL happen, and soon. (more on that later).

So here we are, busy remodeling our home and taking classes at UAS. Trying to have a baby, and keeping the stress levels low. Living life, moving on and all the while staying in love♥